Saturday, January 14, 2012
Stress = No Fun in the Relationship
I always wondered about why relationships don't work, and I have a few theories, the first one being that stress is toxic to a couple's well-being. That's why people who've lost children, had a miscarriage, or had to endure a lengthy illness often come out of it less united than they were before. Tragedy or success, both which can carry their fair share of extra "stuff" to do, are stressful. You have less time to laugh and play, and more time spent doing the things you have to do, not that you want to do. You don't talk about the goofy little things that you both love. Lazy Sundays spent taking walks and making lasagna together disappear, leaving memories of "good times, when we had the time." I have been fortunate enough in my life to not have had to suffer any major tragedies, and I feel for those who have had to go through a tough time. It's hard keeping a relationship together when you are barely hanging on yourself. Now that I'm planning my wedding, I thought it would be this fun, amazing, romantic time- it's not. Don't get me wrong, I don't have doubts or anything, but planning a wedding is a huge stress on a relationship. It's romantic and fun, but it's also another thing you have to do. You also have to agree about everything with your fiancee, which carries its own set of landmines. Add money to the mix? You're pretty much screwed. I love my fiancee more than anything, but this has been a stressful time in our relationship, and I didn't expect it to be that way. I think any "big" thing, be it a move, illness, accident, death, new job, etc. is stressful, and you absolutely have to remember to make the time to be together- no matter what. You may not get those wonderful days where you didn't have to even get out of bed in the morning, but in return you're getting to be with an amazing person who truly loves you. This too shall pass- as corny as that is, everything comes to an end, and you'll still be together if you take the time to reconnect along the way. Be it through sex, a date once a week, or stealing a few moments alone each day where you both agree NOT to talk about "that thing," make sure you make the time to be just "Bob and Jane," or whatever, before you forget what that means.
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You hit the nail on the head with this one!
ReplyDeleteStress = energy suck. It sucks the life out of you and regardless of how much you try to push it away, you really can't until the event causing the stress has passed; be it a large project at work, a family member with a major illness, a thesis paper due or in your case, planning a wedding. Stress changes who you are for the duration of it - be it good or bad change.
There was NOTHING romantic about planning our wedding - it was the source of arguments, negotiations, tears (on my part) and bargaining but in the end, it was perfect. The romance of it all comes after. ;) I think there is a lot of pressure & fantasy about weddings & marriage and there shouldn't be - you don't wake up the next day feeling "different." (I didn't & I don't know many people that felt different once vows are exchanged) A wedding a 6-8 hours of your life together and yes, some things will go not to plan but in the end, you marry your best friend & partner in crime. Will that one item causing all this stress (the wedding) make or break you life? It can if you let it. You are totally right about remembering to spend time together as a couple. Don't always talk about the wedding. Enjoy the process of getting to the day but don't let it consume your every waking moment.
One thing I'd like to add to your blog and tell your readers is this:
Engagements & wedding planning, as stressful as it is, also allows you to talk about your future in a very real way (in a way probably never spoken about before) - kids, finances, religion, sex, careers - and that adds even more stress to a couple. These, obviously, are things that need to be discussed at length before pulling that marriage trigger because once you say I do, you don't want to pull a Kim Kardashian!!