Yeah but....

The other day in class we learned that words are everything when it comes to relationships. How you say things is so critical. For example, if you told your boyfriend that he needs to help you with your car because you don't know how to do it and that's his job you're going to sound like a nag. That's the number one thing you DON'T want to do. Don't nag- it reminds him of his mother. Not hot- sorry mom. Instead, if you asked your boyfriend to help you with your car because he's amazing at that kind of stuff and you'd be really grateful (wink, wink) if he helped you, you're way more likely to get his help and he'll be happy giving it.

When it comes to communicating with you partner about your wants and needs (another essential skill, we aren't mind readers people) try saying "I think xyz and....." not "I think xyz but..." Saying but is a negative word. It disqualifies everything you just said. Here's an example of a conversation with and and but- see if you can see the difference.
Husband: Honey you look great today.
Wife: Yeah but this dress has a hole in it so it looks kind of weird. Thanks though honey.
Husband: Uhhhh, okay you're welcome. (feeling deflated and less likely to compliment you in the future)
         OR
Husband: Honey you look great today
Wife: Yeah and this dress isn't even new. Thanks honey.
Husband: You're welcome (feeling satisfied with himself)
Next time you're trying to say something or responding to your partner remember to use and. It's positive and your point will be heard in a better light than if you say but. If you're trying to tell your partner something and he says "Yeah I hear you, but...." it is irritating as heck. I may or may not be speaking from personal experience here :-)  And adds to conversations, while but puts things behind. Pun intended!

Marriage

I met a couple today that's been married twelve years. They have three kids. And they got married after only 6 months of dating. How do you think they acted? After that much time, many marriages are in the comfortable phase. Many have lost their spark. And many are in trouble. Jobs, kids, stress, changing bodies, boring sex- it all adds up to a lot of work to keep a relationship fresh. So, back to the couple. They were all over each other. Not in a gross way, but in a fun, sexy way. They cuddled, held hands for a bit, laughed together. It was so refreshing to see a couple that was still in love and happy after that many years. I know in the grand scheme of things twelve years isn't a whole lot. But let's face it- the divorce rate in our country is 50% and lots of people split up after only a few years or at over 20. Seeing this couple gave me hope for the future. Add the fact that they got married quickly and it's even more amazing. They told me "when you know, you know." There's a lesson in this couple. They were on a date. No kids, just them. And they had me take a picture of them snuggling together by the fire. It's vital to take the time to nourish your relationship away from your children. Without a strong foundation you have nothing holding the family together. My mom always told me: Put your marriage first, and your kids second. That's good advice. So for those of you who are married, I hope that your marriage will be fresh and romantic after two, twelve, twenty years- just like the sweet couple I met. A sweet and fulfilling relationship that lasts through the thick and thin? That's all any of us can hope for.