Sex for him, sex for her....this isn't the movies folks

Picture this: you're at that bubbly rom-com you dragged your boyfriend to and the on-screen couple that's just fallen in love (or lust) begins kissing then they tear off each other's clothes and have the most perfect, simultaneous-climax sex. Now here's your reality: you get home, both agree to sex, begin kissing, get naked, have sex for a few minutes or so, and either he finishes and you don't or you finish and then have to finish him off or....the possibilities are endless but the results the same: neither of you has an orgasm at the same time. If you do, please tell me your secret because it's only happened to me a couple of times. It's hard to do that- and it doesn't have to be your goal. It's okay to have sex that he loves and you're just so-so about. Or maybe you get your rocks off and he's indifferent. As long as you're both trying, it's okay. You're having sex. It doesn't have to be this mind-blowing perfect experience every time. I know women often are used to a guy finishing and then rolling off and going to bed. I'm not saying that's wrong, or that you should come every time too, but maybe it's okay to do that sometimes. And women: please allow yourself to be selfish in bed. Men do it all the time. Haha- just kidding guys! But seriously, it's okay to use him like your own personal sex toy. (cheaper and more realistic than the Rabbit!) Let yourself go, ask for the position you like best, and take a really long time with foreplay. Your orgasm matters just as much as his does. Having him-sex and her-sex and we-sex are all part of a normal, healthy sex life. So is a bit of S&M, oral sex, role play, spontaneous sex, quickies, 69, and surprising your partner with something they love in bed- just to be nice. Sex isn't a perfect, always right, always equal thing. It goes up and down (literally) and in a relationship you have to just relax and enjoy the ride (literally).

Dating Shows...Real or Real Stupid

The other day I was watching Bravo at midnight, eating peanut butter out of the jar (don't judge me- it's healthy fat!), when it occurred to me that dating-love advice-matchmaking shows are so stupid. This thought popped in my head because one girl (wait- make that woman, she was 34) was complaining about being single when she did the following three things: 1. wouldn't eat anything "fattening" on the date, admitting she was splurging by getting hot cocoa, 2. called her date after he didn't call her after 3 days, 3. dated a 26 year old and got upset when he took her ice-skating because it's so lame and childish. Oh. My. God. All women can't be this lame. This is why dating shows irritate me. They show capable, independent women acting like insecure, silly girls. I know we've all been there, but I just wish that there was a show that taught women how succeed in love. These shows claim they do that, but let's be real: one girl was begging a guy for a kiss (desperate, party of one), one went on a date she was dreading just to be nice, and one had an entire closet devoted to tutus and showed it to her date. Worst. idea. ever. They aren't showing us gals how to be in a healthy relationship. They're showing us how to be single forever. Honestly there aren't set rules when it comes to love. The tutu girl isn't meant to be with a guy who hates tutus and her self-imposed 'princess' label. Her future hubby will find all that annoying crap endearing and sweet- that's why they'll work together. Maybe there aren't dating shows that are real and show more realistic dates because that isn't good TV. Maybe the bigwigs at CBS think that no one wants to watch a semi-attractive guy take a semi-attractive girl out to a semi-nice Italian restaurant, nibble on chicken parm while they drink wine and talk about their majors in college, kiss for a few minutes in the car and then text each other a couple days later. Bo-ring! But that's real life. Real relationships aren't always going to Disneyland or having a decadent dinner out. They're about making coffee for him on his way to work, kissing good morning even though your breath stinks, sitting on the couch watching Family Guy and leaning your head on his shoulder. Those million little moments of love won't make good reality TV, but they make good reality. I guess next time I'll just shut-down my brain when I watch Bravo or the Bachelor and remember that seeing a girl crash and burn on a date is much more entertaining than watching her get groceries and a Redbox wearing sweats with her boyfriend.