Great quote

Short post today- just was reading my wonderful book "Clinical Handbook of Couple Therapy" edited by Gurman and Jacobson that I've mentioned before on the blog, when I saw a great quote I wanted to share with you guys. In essence, it's about a healthy couple. A healthy realtionship is best viewed within the context of the individual partners, the couple, and the couple's environment. A healthy couple relationship is "one in which both indivduals contribute to the well-being of the realtionship as a unit. This means both partners have formed an effective partnership- reaching decisions and resolving problems effectively, developing a sense of intimacy and carying, communicating constructively, engaging as a couple in a variety of mutually rewarding and engaging activities..." (pg.29) Great advice- and true. It's not totally romantic, but a good way of looking at being in a couple. It is a bit like a parntership in business, only it's in love. You make compromises, agree to do certain things in exchange for what you want, and you make time to be together to get things done that will benefit both of you. There's a lot of "How about I do this ________ and you do _______, that okay with you?" Bargaining is an important skill to learn because no one wins when you fight so hard to get your way, you create  a huge argument over something trivial. Pick you battles people! It's not that big of a deal if he won't pick up his clothes. Don't let it drive you crazy. Just agree that you'll pick up his clothes, if he picks up the check! (or something like that, work it out best for what you both want)

In a Funk

No I'm not talking about loud, vibrant music you jive turkey! (it's obvious I'm white by that awful sentence) I'm talking about being "in a funk" Feeling sluggish, bored, or sad for no reason at all. Recently I've experienced being in a funk with my partner. I think lots of couples can identify with this feeling. You love each other and everything is great, but there's just something missing sometimes. Long-term relationships go through peaks and valleys, it's important to remember this and not freak out and think you're "making a huge mistake" when you're really just in a 'down' period. Things can't be red-hot and super exciting forever- it's just not realistic. Love, compassion, friendship- these are the qualities that should never fade in a relationship. But 'I got to have you now' passion and interest in each other varies over time. The passion you felt for each other initially may have been masking a difference in levels of sexual desire. Now that the steam has lifted, you're left wanting intimacy once a week in the morning while he prefers it every night. This can get frustrating. Often couples aren't in the mood at the same time. In fact, only 50% of marital sex in happy couples occurs when both partners are in the mood or orgasmic. The other 50% of the time it takes an effort to get turned on at the same time. As far as my 'funk' goes, I think the lesson I've learned is to NOT TAKE IT PERSONALLY. Ladies, gents, please relax and refrain from getting really hurt or upset if your partner isn't in the mood, or is busy at work, or needs a 'guys' or 'girls' night. Like I've said before, being apart is actually healthy for a relationship. You need to be apart so you can appreciate your love and remember how life would suck if they weren't around. I would possibly be sitting alone on my couch with several cats eating two-day old Chinese takeout...Who knows? Hopefully my funk will fade soon. Until then, I'm going to take care of myself (nothing makes you feel LESS in the mood than feeling unattractive or fat), stay busy, and continue to remind my partner how wonderful and sexy and amazing he is. Those little kisses and touches are just as important as a steamy date night. And both those things (giving compliments and affection) only help improve a relationship.