A Little Heavy but.....

This semester I'm taking some pretty interesting classes. However, the material is really serious. Treatment of trauma, child abuse, drug addiction, and alcoholism are just some of the topics I've been learning about. What has struck me so far is how trauma is linked to so many problems. (Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, dissociative disorders, etc.) The things that happen to us as little kids influence every aspect of our personality because our personalities are formed as children. Not just trauma, but everything that happens to us as we're developing impacts who we turn out to be. I'm a believer in the influence of one's environment and their genetics; not just one or the other. But what's really been on my mind is how your parent's treated you impacts how you are in relationships. For example, being neglected or having an absent mom could lead to trust issues in future relationships. Or growing up with a controlling parent can form traits like perfectionism or an eating disorder. I'm not saying "let's just blame our parents for all our problems," it's not about that. But talking about the past can help you get some insight into why you are the way you are. Personality doesn't just form magically as you grow up- it's shaped like clay. Unfortunately, there are lots of kids out there who don't have the best sculptor parents. (sorry for the lame metaphor, had to go there!) The good news is that, when you see traits in yourself that are hurting your relationship, you can work on resolving them. Do you have a bad relationship with your dad because he was never around growing up? You say you don't need his love, but every child needs a parent's love- it's human. When we don't get it is when deficiencies are created. We substitute other things for that love. The unresolved problem with you father will manifest itself, perhaps in an inability to let yourself be vulnerable, or give up control, as a way of protecting yourself from being that little girl again, waiting for your dad to come pick you up. I'm just throwing out hypothetical things here, I just wanted to share with you guys something to think about. Whenever you think "Why did I do that?," if you are able to investigate yourself deeply (with therapy, perhaps), you won't have to think, you'll know.