How to Actually Fight So Your Relationship Gets Better

I hate fights. I think a lot of people do. While some drama queens love a good screaming match plus the hot makeup sex, I loathe tension with the man I love. But while I used to just stifle my feelings and ignore how I really felt, now I speak up. In school this week we learned about how to transform your problems into workable issues so you're not left sleeping on opposite ends of the bed after a fight. Here's the simple 1-2-3-4 breakdown:

1. Have each person state their side. You: I hate when you stay out with your friends late instead of coming home to me. I miss you and want to see you more. Him: I hate it when you nag me about coming home when you're asleep anyways. Why can't I just have fun with my friends?
2. Form the problem into an issue outside of each other that you both can agree on. Ex. We both have a problem with the amount of time we have for each other.
3. Create a goal you both want that's achievable. Ex. We want to find a way to balance our friend time with our couple time so each part is satisfied.
4. Write down specific things you'll each do to get to that goal. Ex. You'll agree to not call or text him when he's with his friends if he'll agree to at least 1 designated date night a week, plus he'll text you when he's out and when he's coming home. Him: He'll also agree to 1 date night a week, plus he'll make an effort to plan more dates and text you his plans. And send you sweet texts to let you know he's thinking of you.

That's pretty much the formula. State sides, agree on workable problem, agree on solvable goal, break down goal into smaller pieces that are more manageable. If you externalize a problem it's less of a "he said, she said" or blaming thing. Because screaming "You don't love me as much as you love your friends!" at three a.m. isn't a good idea. Neither is passive aggressive texts that imply you're out having fun too, when the only friends in your room are Ben and Jerry. Like I always say, communication is key to keeping a relationship alive. Communicate what you want, what you need, and how you feel. Couples that break up are the ones with breakdowns in communication. Think of it as the cream that holds together two Oreo cookies. Without it, you've just got 2 boring cookies. With it, you've got magic.

I'm In Love With You Because..

I was inspired to write this post by a great article I read on Thought Catalogue. Here's the link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/2011/this-is-why-im-in-love-with-you/  It's a wonderful website my best friend told me about with all kinds of funny, sweet, interesting articles by various writers. This piece in particular talks about a man being in love with his girl and why. She makes him feel safe, she's his best friend, she's the "peanut butter to my jelly." (my favorite line) Here are a few things that I personally feel when I'm really, truly in love.(not lust)
1. You make me smile.
2. You're my cheerleader.
3. You won't run away if I've got bad breath, gained a couple pounds, or didn't shave my legs.
4. You love me in spite of my crazy family.
5. You know all my deep dark secrets- and you're still by my side.
6. You're fun to be with- at a bar or just on the couch.
7. You listen to me.
8. You like me.
9. You are kind.
10. You are so special to me that I want to protect you from the world, but I know I can't. I want to be with you forever, but I can't. So I'll settle for the next 50 years, if you'll have me.

This list is just an example of what you may feel when you're in love. I hope I am not discouraging anyone, because if there's one thing that I know for sure about relationships is that they're all different. Never feel like he "should" do that, or you "must" feel this. If you're happy and he's happy, ignore all the 'shoulds' and just enjoy it. There's no mythical time table you need to keep up with. It's your life, your love, your relationship. Enjoy it, protect it, and remember to always COMMUNICATE.