You Can Look, But You Can't Touch...

Let's face it- as humans, we are drawn to attractive people. We enjoy admiring good-looking men and women; it's only natural to enjoy  looking at beautiful people or people who are charming, funny, or otherwise eye-catching in some indescribable way. But when you're committed to one person, you can't act on those desires. I don't want to imply you can't have those impulses- you can definitely still feel turned-on by others, who isn't? You're in a relationship, not dead. I liken it to being at a decadent, new restaurant: You can browse the tempting menu, but you can't order anything off it. You have your favorite meal waiting at home, don't ever forget that. That being said, it's important to remember your partner's feelings when you see someone you find hot. My advice? Bite. Your. Tongue. No one wants their wife to talk about how she's like to hump Brad Pitt. Sure, it will never happen, but it still is another person she's saying she'd like to get naked with. Who wants to hear that? Think it, don't say it. It's just a matter of respect. Give your partner the same respect you'd like to receive back. I don't care who you are, everyone wants to feel like their mate wants them and only them, sexually and just in general. Even though it's not true 100% of the time (like when the 19 year-old blonde at work bends over to pick up a pen or the hot guy from the gym is doing sweaty bicep curls in the mirror), for the other 99% of the time, you obviously want to be with your partner or else you wouldn't be together. Like the great Paul Newman once said, "I have steak at home. Why should I go out for a hamburger?"

Best. Quote. Ever.

Don't marry a man unless you would be proud to have a son exactly like him. I don't know who said this, but it's brilliant. Recently, I've been feeling stress in my life and with my upcoming wedding. It's been a busy summer! But at the end of the day, lying with the one person in the whole world who knows me, loves me, and accepts me, I feel grateful. I think that when you are in a relationship, you have to think about more than just "Is the sex good?" or "Do we have fun together?" Those are very important things, for sure. But also ask yourself questions like the quote above. Here are my favorite questions you should ask when you're in a relationship:

1. Does he or she want you around, at least half of the time? Have you met their friends/family?
2. Do you feel/act your best around them, or at least act like YOU, not a fake version of you?
3. Do you miss them when they aren't around?
4. Can you talk with them about the good stuff, the bad stuff, and everything in between- and will they listen? (And can you be okay with silence as well?)
5. Would you want your friend to date someone like them?

One more thing: you and your partner are the only two people in the relationship- no one else. Don't let anyone try to tell you what you should or shouldn't have or want or act like. It's up to you. Enjoy that power and own it. I'm not encouraging your to stay in an abusive or unfulfilling relationship, but realize that you can't let other people try to tell you about something they are judging from the outside. It's like looking at a cake and trying to guess the ingredients. No one knows what's in it but the baker. My relationship, like every other one, has a secret ingredient that makes it good. For my cakes, it's mayonnaise. (try it, seriously it makes cakes super moist) For my love, it's really just acceptance. Acceptance of his flaws, of mine, and letting each other be real. You can't love someone for who you want them to be- that' not fair. Love them for who they are, or not at all.